The holidays are usually my most favorite time of the year. Not because of the gifts and food, but mostly because I know that time is always set aside for family. Since Philip and I got married and knew we wanted to spend next Christmas with the baby at home, I really wanted to spend my 'last' Christmas with my family back in Greer and I was looking so forward to sharing our family Christmas traditions with him. Unfortunately, we never got to any of them . . .
Back in October, about a week after the wedding, we found out that my grandfather had colon cancer. He underwent surgery to remove the cancer, but that was an ordeal because his many years of smoking a pipe had left him with emphysema and his weak lungs didn't handle the surgery. He had four surgeries over the course of a few weeks that left him weak, sometimes out of his mind, strapped to a hospital bed, and just pitiful. This was not the grandfather we had grown up with and it hurt so much to watch him in that state. It was hard not being in town to help my family out during this time, but I'd travel back and forth when I could to see him and help out. My grandmother sat with him every day and hated seeing him that way. You could really tell that it took a toll on her, too. The week before Christmas, I was able to see him one more time. He was in a coma-like state and not responsive, but I said my good-byes. The morning of Christmas Eve, I found out that my grandmother had been admitted into another hospital and was very weak. Christmas Eve was not the same. We usually would all gather at my grandparents house and eat and laugh and exchange presents. This year, we took turns staying with either Mema or Gran at the hospitals and were completely numb to the holidays honestly. Gran passed away Christmas Night. We told my grandmother in the hospital, made the arrangements, and buried him the Tuesday after Christmas. My grandmother loved my grandfather so much. They were inseparable, and to remind us of that great love - she passed away New Years Day not long after the rest of the world was ringing in the new year. Again, we made the arrangements and said a final goodbye to her Monday the third.
They were two of my favorite people in the world. We all spend so much time with them during our lives and I cannot imagine being without them. I am still a bit numb. I have about five weeks left with this pregnancy and it feels as though all the wind has been removed from the sails - it's just not fun anymore planning for Baby Chittaro knowing that he will never know two of the most wonderful people I've ever known. Stories cannot do justice the love that they had in their hearts and my baby will never know that. Gran was so excited about the little guy and was to be the first to hold him - I had promised him that. Mema like to call the baby 'little Phil' and still got big eyed when she could feel him squirming in my belly. I know that when he's born I'm going to cry like a baby and mourn my loss again - I just don't understand God's plan here. I miss them so much.
Philip is amazing as usual and stood my my side through all this - I feel so guilty that I gave him such a crappy Christmas. But next year we will have baby and stay home and begin new traditions. And for now, I'm just trying to find ways to distract myself and get through the days until baby.
Mema and Gran led quiet lives, yet inspired so many. They had gentle spirits, but somehow also taught us to be strong, independent, loving. They definitely led by example and their legacies will live on. They only asked us to 'make them proud' and I hope to continue to do so.
So rest in peace now, Mema and Gran. Your days of physical hurt are over and you are blessed to spend eternity holding hands and grinning like teenagers at each other now. We will see you again soon.
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